Eternity

The past year I have been suffering from sever depression, the kind that even the "right" medicine can't fix... I had an emotional breakdown about a month ago and as a result, deleted my facebook. I'll be honest, it was SO nice. For the first time in a long time I felt like maybe, just maybe I could do this. Do what, you ask? Life. I have spent the past couple years struggling with depression, but as of late, it's gotten much worse. I'd like to blame work. I'd love to blame school. I could even blame my lovely tumor Winifred. But that wouldn't help anything.

I've been there.. Sitting all alone, wanting to cry, but you're so depressed even tears won't fall. I'll admit, I've considered ending my life. But what good would that do? I believe that we live forever. And although the pain, and suffering you experience in this life won't follow you to the next, I believe my soul will. And if I were to end my life, I would still be living.... forever.... And that to me is a TERRIFYING thought.

Have you ever thought about how long forever is?? I mean, each semester seems like an eternity. I can't believe, honestly, that 4 months is not even the smallest speck of eternity.

So, where am I going with all this randomness?

I've decided this blog will take a turn. It will be my diary. It will be my deepest thoughts and desires. But, I will keep it public. And maybe, just maybe, my suffering and depression will resonate with someone out there, and maybe we don't have to feel so alone.

I know how it feels. I know what it is like.
i.am.my.own. best friend.