Reflection

Recently I have had a lot of time to think about my life and where I stand with myself.

Unfortunately, I am not happy with who I am. I am happy with where I am, but it's different... It's different to know that where you are in life is a good place to be at, and it's another to know that who you are at that place is who you want to be. And although I know where I'm at is good for me, who I am now, isn't.

I keep reflecting back, beating myself up (unnecessarily so) for mistakes in my past and letting those mistakes be the guide for my future when in reality, they should be what I try to avoid. I should let my mistakes be in my mind as a reminder of the weaknesses I had and the strengths that can result if I work hard. Instead, I've let myself down. I haven't turned my weaknesses into strengths. In fact, I am far from where I'd like to be.

I talked with my ecclesiastical leader recently and he talked to me about this very thing. He explained that out weaknesses can be strengths, and one key to making that happen is that we need to stop beating ourselves up for our mistakes.

But it's a hard thing not to do. 

When you constantly slip up and make mistakes that you knew better... And when those mistakes seem to drown you in sorrow... It's hard to not beat yourself up.

I know from personal experience that not beating yourself up for your past, or even the mistakes you currently make, is near impossible, but that it is essential to progressing and being happy.

I know how it feels. I know what it is like.
i.am.my.own. best friend.