Last night/this morning has been weird. I half feel lost in my own life and half feel frustrated because of choices I've made in the past that are directly impacting my life now. Sometimes I wonder why I make certain choices... I miss my Utah "family". I miss being where it actually felt like home. Being in VA doesn't feel as homey as it did back when I was a kid. I am beginning to question why I came here in the first place.
I miss Utah a lot.
I will admit, I cried myself to sleep last night.
Why is it that as soon as I move completely across the country, that I find myself missing everything I left?
I'm putting this out into the void, and if anyone has any advice for someone who feels completely lost.... Please share.
- J
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Monday, March 30, 2015
Reflection
Recently I have had a lot of time to think about my life and where I stand with myself.
Unfortunately, I am not happy with who I am. I am happy with where I am, but it's different... It's different to know that where you are in life is a good place to be at, and it's another to know that who you are at that place is who you want to be. And although I know where I'm at is good for me, who I am now, isn't.
I keep reflecting back, beating myself up (unnecessarily so) for mistakes in my past and letting those mistakes be the guide for my future when in reality, they should be what I try to avoid. I should let my mistakes be in my mind as a reminder of the weaknesses I had and the strengths that can result if I work hard. Instead, I've let myself down. I haven't turned my weaknesses into strengths. In fact, I am far from where I'd like to be.
I talked with my ecclesiastical leader recently and he talked to me about this very thing. He explained that out weaknesses can be strengths, and one key to making that happen is that we need to stop beating ourselves up for our mistakes.
But it's a hard thing not to do.
When you constantly slip up and make mistakes that you knew better... And when those mistakes seem to drown you in sorrow... It's hard to not beat yourself up.
I know from personal experience that not beating yourself up for your past, or even the mistakes you currently make, is near impossible, but that it is essential to progressing and being happy.
I know how it feels. I know what it is like.
i.am.my.own. best friend.
Unfortunately, I am not happy with who I am. I am happy with where I am, but it's different... It's different to know that where you are in life is a good place to be at, and it's another to know that who you are at that place is who you want to be. And although I know where I'm at is good for me, who I am now, isn't.
I keep reflecting back, beating myself up (unnecessarily so) for mistakes in my past and letting those mistakes be the guide for my future when in reality, they should be what I try to avoid. I should let my mistakes be in my mind as a reminder of the weaknesses I had and the strengths that can result if I work hard. Instead, I've let myself down. I haven't turned my weaknesses into strengths. In fact, I am far from where I'd like to be.
I talked with my ecclesiastical leader recently and he talked to me about this very thing. He explained that out weaknesses can be strengths, and one key to making that happen is that we need to stop beating ourselves up for our mistakes.
But it's a hard thing not to do.
When you constantly slip up and make mistakes that you knew better... And when those mistakes seem to drown you in sorrow... It's hard to not beat yourself up.
I know from personal experience that not beating yourself up for your past, or even the mistakes you currently make, is near impossible, but that it is essential to progressing and being happy.
I know how it feels. I know what it is like.
i.am.my.own. best friend.
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